Flow of Life. Dark & Light.


Thoughts, Relationships, Sex, Books


Up until recently, I have (hate!) to admit, fell in Love for the second time in my life – just less than a couple of years ago… That's shameful, given All the men in between getting Me to know the things I do now, about myself and who I am. Not sure if this is an apology letter to my ex–boyfriends yet, because, just as we Learn about ourselves, learning to bring our attention inside (Yas, jarhead! with meditation and yoga and all that crap your desisted New Ager aunt wanted to sell you on your teens, through… AVON… wasn't that mistaken after all, perhaps) we can even Begin to Understand Ourselves in the first place.

However this break–up last year feels quite Different from that One First Love, which feels now foggy in time, fondness, tender love and laughs.

Perfect, self-destructive and confusing times to Every Human Being.

Thank the Lord and Universe that shit Is Over, man! Haha! ^_^ 

No, no, no… This last one felt Painful. In many ways. The This–One–Actually–Called–On–My–Own–Bullshit kinda way. And Vice–Versa, I think. So, besides the added both Excruciated Egos, we ended it (at least on my part) with nothing to show for ourselves but a 6–year–long age difference resentment between us. And perhaps that's why I feel HEART BROKEN this time. Because This time, took me "Longer, Better-thought-off, Harder…" not that fast Daft Punk, not That Fast, no… to EVEN consider to start going out with this guy to begin with, because of That Age Difference. Once I was opening my cold-wounded-sarcastic-smart-ass-Heart, the 20something–year–old BOY am dating for five months Gets Shitless Scared about things that haven't even happened yet and Breaks Up With Me but keeps "not–disliking" to see me. Women can be idiots when we fall for a guy! – "Hey baby, guess what? Yeah I know it's been a Year since we broke up, but, I was wondering if you would like to come to know my new flat and let me cook dinner for you. Hey! I know I told you when we met with both words AND actions that You Had Found YOUR MAN, but hey… You Know What? Am Not Ready, all right then. I'm Free this Thursday, can you make it? ;)) All right. Bye." speech. 

Hey, hold on man… when I FEEL UNDERSTOOD, I get Horny As Hell, excuse me for two minutes.

«… ! » ☾♡△☟

So, where was I? Right, so!

Turns out my mind was just messing around with me, inviting me to Wake Up or something, for over a Year now – Make believing to think being Respectful, Smart and Beautiful would get me the Man of my Dreams.

You know, the Man who respects you, and your time, and the love and devotion you have for your work (or fondness for whatever your Soul in particular craves for) – Without getting offended if you need and want to go to class because you are a Woman Who Doesn't compromise a man to be responsible for her self care. Why are you offended without even asking first? And simply act like I am a horrible and disrespectful person you met last night. Remember that "Communication Thing" I talked about last week? Yeah, sometimes people Just surpass the limitS of inattention and Love–neglect to finally wake–us up. This is a process. The scary part is that going through life without being aware of this, can take months, or years… or a marriage and four kids. It's like setting your life on automatic–pilot expecting A.I. Area to step–up and take charge of your Emotional Life.

While I enjoy my caramel-machiatto watching Netflix… doing yoga... "Hello, Emotions?!"

"… Not today bitch, Go Away!"

Shouldn't LOVE be about sharing, fuck–amazingly, black humor (Oh, right! Yeee "Respectfully!" just kidding, haha!) and Endless Cuddles (minding each other's time and Work) showing absolute Respect… If you are interested on this person at all? Love should Not be about miss-attending something important to me to demonstrate I love and care about you. Quitting on pastimes and friends to reassure you how much I Love You. Stupid-Ass.

You know?

Am sorry, man! Didn't meant that, not really. Just a bit angry here, and confused about why you Guys ACT like such selfish, ass-holes, sometimes?!

Now, I know you'll probably saying "Hey, This Bitch is Not Even Mentioning anything about the Amazing Fucking-Lovemaking-Sex sessions they probably used to Have… ah? Not Mention That Once!" and with bestie–bromance–since–kindergarten–buddy sharing a joint with… or a Whiskey, or "Bitch PLEASE, Bourbon!" face, whatever! You get the point! "… She Does Not Show Any Appreciation for you, man! Just Complainin' complainin' AS USUAL!"

Well Honestly, WHO COULD POSSIBLY UNDERSTAND YOU MEN, AS WELL! If a Woman Doesn't Complain about something it's because She Genuinely Has NO COMPLAIN ABOUT IT!

The ONLY time I had a palm–reading (convinced by my friends, they know my – even drunk – skeptic-face all too well) was during a beach trip by a reggae-ish–surfer–traveler–looking older guy – Nothing against sequin–Kaftans, turbans and Shitloads (Thanks, Americans! Definitely My Fav Word ^_^ besides Fuck, right after Love–Making of course) of make–up – but, Felt a better, a waaaaayyy better vibe with him, definitely. We started talking to him (my girlfriends and me), and as he started asking us to show him our hands, he was estranged by the amount of lines in my hands, told me « It seemed I have had too many lives before, like an Old Soul…» I don't know about you, but at this point I was Still throwing a sharp BS–Look at him, hoping he would hurry up so I could enjoy my beer... But then, he told me – I wouldn't fall in love many times on this lifetime, but the Few ones would be amazing, caring and lasting – But there would Be that One Selfish Ass-hole I would completely Fall for and would need more than guts to walk away from. Not even about self-love, but Survival. I honestly thought I would have expelled that imaginary prick from my life by now (with Mandalas, and Music Festivals, and sing to the wind and the Moon... in the Shower, and overpaying for the Medi-Guided Class from the newest hot-AF-show Yoggi Teacher... Who's Confidence Says Anything BUT A Piece of EMPATHY about others – Not you Woman/Man, you're a Client, You deserve His/Her respect, am talking about The Vallet-Boy, and the Weiter/ress... Ya, those... mmmh... And BTW, Real Yoga Healers Don't Need recognition man, their classes are Packed – Yeah, I'm Not Shittin'You, it's Un–Believable my biggest Lesson on my Lack of Punctuality has to be with one of the Things I enjoy the most – If I don't arrive On–Time: I'M LUCKY IF I CAN TAKE THE CLASS FROM THE BATHROOM) you know, because life experiences and minding about other people's feelings and being respectful and all that, really thought that could have been a Karma you can brush–off, or something. Never thought this beautiful angel–looking demon that brunette–and–olive–green–eyed–Argentinean–hippie–Jeff–Newton older guy said that day on the beach, would be You. So, come on Woman/Man. How many People Have You Hurt To Get To Know Yourself?  


"Alexa, girlfriend – (for fuck'sake) – Explain Siri for me, please! I don't have time for this Bullshit!"

Have you Ever Wondered WHY these are both Female Characters? I don't know about you Boys, and Before an enraged Female starts screaming – I would say it's about Time those companies start exploring if they can Come Up with a Male Character AS COOL & SMART AS MY GIRLS SIRI AND ALEXA. No man, The Hulk and Batman Do Not Count! Unless you want to consider both Siri and Alexa as Super Heroes, too! And mmmh, wait a minute... There Is One Fucking Ounce Of Respect for Us Women after all, don't you think, ladies?

Or how come there's a Default "Female's Voice" THEY put in EVERY fucking App telling US what turn to take on every damn Street for?! REALLY? You think That's a coincidence? And, guess what? Only Strong Women don't take any of your shit personally and are genuinely just trying to help you... "Right, Siri?"

"RIGHT... ON!"

("GIRL, I'VE TOLD YOU! BE YOURSELF! Don't try to make-up you are Cool – YOU ARE COOL! The amount of Make-up is directly proportionate to how much you unconsciously want to Hide from what you don't like about yourself – And those people you are trying to court around you CAN Smell it. That's right, FUCK Contouring!")

Not so fast, gentlemen! You are next. 

You Can't Imagine what a woman has had to learn to fly–or–wing–by since being a little girl – on a Daily Basis. If you could live in a woman's body perhaps you would understand Some of the anger we live through everyday. We take crap in the Morning going to Work and getting whistled–at for wearing a skirt, by that One prick who is always among his friends, safe and protected between his buddies not even realizing the Fear and Anger we feel to know, that an answer can get us further insulted or Worse. Oh, no no sweetie, please, hold your "compliments" and if you Have mother, sisters or daughters (which It's Probable You Do, because This ain't GATACCA... yet), give them my most sincere Condolences. Everywhere we go, is the same. We take crap from our bosses in the subtlest ways to not get denounced or pointed–at (He's married and Division Director, man! He can't find himself on a scandal but, why is it OK then for Him Texting Me Almost At Midnight on a Saturday, to ask me out… And feel ashamed to show the message to my boyfriend, because Drama and because it could backfire affecting my job). Or the Smart-Ass "Superior" grabbing my leg on a revision project, then starts Following Me Home To Compromise Me to "Thank Him" for the gesture… and invite him IN? REALLY?

Talking about desperate, man! Haha! Chill The Fuck Down. Or the guy Who Needs To Know Where He's At With You… (?) even though there's been only Two–Fuckin–Months since you've met him (??)… Am like, "What do you Mean where You At?… Aren't we getting to know each other?" STOP TRYING! All right, Stop Crying I didn't wanted to be Mean, man...

(And yes, this One goes to the ladies, as well… Sorry, Ouch, YOU TOO!) 

On other news, but equally Important mentioning here… Fucking annoying when a "Man"'s strategy to "court you" is rambling On And On, and On and On… about the Money He's Got to Cover your ass when 'trouble' appears…« Oh! You Mean In Case a Gentleman appears in my life and if he happens to be physically fit and big (♡_♡) and decides to bit the Crap outta you for disrespecting me… You can call Jamal and Jesus to cover Your Ass, ah? » Mhmmmm… Let me think about That for a minute… or Perhaps grab a chair, Motherfucker, Get Lost!). 

Anyway, guys, can you consider then, to begin understanding that it's Also You holding 50% of the problem, huh? Men are also, too proud. Too hurt. Too wounded, LADIES!


Don't take my word for it, READ for yourself.

So, people... Can we Learn to please respect each other, ALL off US, not just your Wife/Husband or Possible-Future-Partner, but ALL of us... Just remember something: The OLDER we are, the angrier. That's right: Patience, ass–hole! Us Women have been Patient All This Long with YOU without pulling a Knife at you! … All right, except for Bill Withers (who turned Christian to sing Gospel after his girlfriend "got madly jealous" because a fan threw her bra at him at a concert and decided the best way to discuss it was by stabbing him… twice!) and the best friend of my ex, as well. But that's an Entirely Different Post! (Because, Girls… Seriously? Not cool!). 

Even if it has become harder and harder to maintain calm when a man disrespects me, I count to 10 and wonder What Has This Beautiful Human Being (Or not... arrogant prick) been through, to treat me like this? What did he went through to learn TO protect himself like this, AND THINK IS THE WAY TO GET SOMEONE TO LIKE HER/HIM IN THE LONG RUN? From What Demons Is SHE/He Running From? Is there some way I could help? 

Just a thought, love. Food For Thought. Less Competing, More Living, no? Stop taking shit so personally, yes it takes patience, compassion, self-respect… Who told you Life is just, or fare and techni-fuckin-color for everyone? That's right, welcome to Empathy.

Oh! HELLO! Oops, see? I would Cry, but…

Am on That stage of my life where Light's Wisdom, such as this one from Danielle LaPorte's on one Truth Bomb I received along with the first book I got from her (yay!), hidden in the pages (and yes! All Right! I got it framed… Haha! No, not really, but nearly ^_^) which states: 

"Love Rewards The Brave"

Read: BRAVE, love. 

Not the Wise, or the Magical–Free–Thinker, or the Compassionate… The BRAVE. So, I guess I'll go out tonight with my friends, how about you? Finish work, hit a quick shower, put a perfect cat–eyed on while listening to Maribou State's "Natural Fools" (Yas..! ) Just, go out and risk again. And I hope you do the same, wiser than yesterday. So, enjoy yourself (and others) safely and respectfully please. Or perhaps, starts slowly by reading "This Health Benefits of Kinky Sex" to get you going... 

All right #TGIF