A friend and her personal question
One of my best girlfriends told me the other day if she could ask something "very personal". I immediately felt awkward, sensing it was about sex. And it was. When it comes to sex talks I always feel more at-ease with my male friends… I wonder why that might be? Anyway, so, she asked if I "came every time" I was with a guy. I said "Yes, pretty much every time". I explained that if there was a time I didn't came it was because I just wasn't feeling like it. Now, she looked at me with a bit of disdain.
My friend was kinda blaming his "unexperienced" boyfriend for having less than great sex since the beginning of their relationship and I felt she wanted me to tap her shoulder and probably tell her "Oh! Poor, poor baby". Which I didn't, actually did the opposite.
While having problems for getting off due to stress, jobs and the crazy era we are breathing in – which can (and should) be attended medically if necessary – Good sex is good communication, even when it is only physical language. By no means, whenever I haven't had an orgasm this has been my partner's fault. I can't be with a man without getting lost in his eyes. Kiss his neck, his back, his thighs, his hands as he caress my lips and sometimes pulls my hair… mmm, I think I'll talk about that on another post (Does long hair asks to be pulled while doggy itself? LOL).
Good sex isn't about reading instructions or expect the other person to do all the work. Good sex is about both partner's get–off wanting the other person to enjoy and come. It's as much as both giving and showing what you want, how you like it and (in case you are into kink) ask your partner tenderly if it's ok, making sure she/he doesn't feel uncomfortable on some positions.
Whenever I hear someone blaming "unexperienced others" for their bad sex life I can't help but think: "Yeah, probably the unexperienced, selfish, lazy ass, non-very-communicative-skilled person… is you."
Friend starring in silence (F*CK! LOL!)
But, hey! Learning to ask for what we want in & out of the bedroom is a skill, and tongues are not just for talking, you know? And, very important, within the asking is the giving, that link goes to my gallery of 'Oh yeah, baby, let's get it on' killer sales speech ;)
What is good sex for you…? Don't be shy! Your knowledge might help my friend and the rest of us make our night.
And be easy on my friend though, she just have to work on this one, 'key?